I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
