The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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