Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
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