i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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