i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize
