They have a pepper shaker for pot.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I see more hoeing in ur future
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