I love black thongs
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
