using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Randomize
