i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
