i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize
