Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Randomize
