your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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