Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
