I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
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