FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
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