i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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