So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
