honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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