You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
