Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
