Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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