after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
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