We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
