What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
