Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Randomize
