he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize
