Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
