I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
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