i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Randomize
