How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
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