I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
