how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
