Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Randomize
