Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
