hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Randomize
