well you can't waste a boner
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
