Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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