Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
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