Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
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