girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize
