I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
