You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
