I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
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