He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
only you would photoshop your dick
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
