Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
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