So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Randomize
