I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Acid is not a monday night drug
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
How's work?
Spinning.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
