Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Randomize
