Fuck appropriateness.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Randomize
