He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
