does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Randomize
