in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
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