My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
