i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Randomize
